THE PIPER PUB AND GRILL - Try to Avoid at all Costs

Ugh. I can't say anything good about this place, so I'll try to keep it brief. Bad service, bad food, bad atmosphere, bad cocktails. I'm not even going to give you directions or a site because you should never go...I mean, they fucked up nachos. You have to really try hard to fuck up nachos. I like nachos from 7-11. And it all culminated with a jacked bill and an apparent lack of management on hand to resolve.

I really hate to bag on anybody in Boise right now, I know everybody is struggling. But these guys really need to get it together. 2-4-1 Happy Hour for drinks and apps only goes so far with this kind of fare...

The PARIS BISTRO - Hands Down, best meal in the SLC

Let me tell you something that you may have heard me mention a time or two, Salt Lake City is a dead zone for delicious eats and for the peeps that enjoy the deliciousness. I mean you can do with a chain in a pinch but I like my food fresh and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. But I digress, I had an AMAZING and I mean AMAZING service and food. And we did the works! Cocktails, wine, apps, entrees, dessert and more cocktails. I mean, listen, it was 3 of my best mates from brown town on my first night back in little bit and I had a delightful meal. I started with the oven roasted beet salad. Just a hint of clove, as it should be. A carbonara that knocked my socks off. I was nervous, I pulled a safety, but this was no Trio cup o' noodles. But seriously, socks, knocked off. I finished with the lemon grass creme brulee. Hurrah!! And not crazy expensive. I mean, it's not Sabarro but let's get real...

1500 South 1500 East (Emerson Ave.)
photo from their site.

INTELLIGENTSIA - So what?

Let me tell you something about this place, their cheapest up of coffee costs about $3.50 for about 6oz. I dunno about you but in these times, girl, I'm workin' hard for my money. This is a luxury item. And don't get you're little douchey hipster haircut all in a ruffle or your Sal Moscot frames askew and before you call all your friends at American Apparel to start picketing my house. I get it. I know it takes one year for a coffee bush to prodce one pound of coffee. I know about fair trade. I know about their fancy brewing machines. I get it. But, this should pretty much be the best cup of coffe I've ever had. Every time. Right? Well it's not. But I'm going to keep going, beacuse I support the anti-man, the anti-machine. I carry my little hemp bags down to the Whole Foods (or as it's affectionately know 'the Whole Pay Check') or the Trader Joes between paydays (personally i'm a pretty big fan of the Fresh and Easy). I like to sit on the little blue bench and pet the dogs and enjoy the weather and oogle the peeps. But come on, let's stop fooling ourselves and call this one like it is...

I'd also like add an extra special 'FUCK YOU' to the CUNT FACED BITCH that petitioned the city to have The Casbah Cafe remove their potted garden from the side of their building. I mean really, you must be very very bored or very very unhappy.

And everybody needs ro start cleaning up after their dogs. Come on buddies. Don't be douches.

3922 West Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, California 90029

TACOS DELTA - Hangover's best friend

Oh Tacos Delta, how I miss thine nachos and XL Diet Cokes in styrofoam cups with crushed ice. Oh Tacos Delta how I miss thine hot sauce and fresh hot chips. You were just around the corner from me and I took full advantage of the proximity. I miss your burritos and your tacos.

Seriously, this just might be my favorite taco stand ever in the world. Cheap, fast, friendly. A cute little sitting are in the back. Seriously if you don't eat here you area fool. Only drawback, it has a 'B' from the health department, which pretty much means that your taking your life in your hands. But I ate there nearly every day and I never got the shits. They also seem to have a mysterious closing time, because every time I tried to go for dinner...they were closed. Could never really find hours posted anywhere.

No link
3806 W. Sunset Blvd.

THE MODERN HOTEL AND BAR - Right Idea and Execution

What you see here is the bathroom of the Modern Hotel and Bar. Yes, you see a turntable on a gnome. What you can't quite see is the rack of 45's just above the gnome and the stainless shelf between the sink and the can. The towels are kept else wheres. Since this is a full sized ADA loo, you could easily fit 6-7 people in there for your own private party, if uh, you brought your own favors, if uh...you know what i mean...

In addition to the bathroom the bar (which honestly isn't much bigger) sports a menu of mostly delicious seasonal cocktails. They sounded great on paper but the couple I tried didn't quite make it in the flavor department. But they were very nearly there, maybe next seasons will be better and you can tell me all about how amazing they are and how wrong I am.  They also have a great court yard with fire pits and a fair amount of seating. Strong effort. I do recommend.

http://www.themodernhotel.com/

1314 West Grove St., Boise ID

208.424.8244

THE PIEHOLE - Best Pizza in Boise..at least after 9p

We got an early start on our Boise adventure. Early enough that by 10 when we needed pizza it became it's own adventure. My buddy's was just one block out of the delivery zone for any place in the Boise metro (sic.) area. After much pleading, cajoling, harrassment and attempted bribery of the every pizza joint in the city, we picked up from the PIEHOLE. I was drunk but I consider myself a pretty good judge of the 'za and this is a good one. The salad and the sticks were are good news.

And they have dancing mice on their site:
http://www.pieholeusa.com/

205 N. 8th St. call ahead for pick up 208.344.2225. open late-ish but for pick-up only...

SWEETWATER TAVERN - Another 'Every Bar'

I had a great night at the Sweetwater Tavern. But it was entirely the company. Don't get me wrong, it's a perfectly serviceable joint. It was warm and reasonably priced. But it's pretty much just another place. Plaster walls, tin ceiling, cramped but nice bar. I had a steak that was arguably the best I've had in a long but hardly good. But the fries and chimmichuri were amazing as mas my key lime tart. I also had a 'bacon vegetable soup' that was pretty much bland BBQ sauce. I was drinking makers/rocks so can't speak to their cocktails.

So all in all nothing to write home about and not good for groups. The food is passable if not great. But the company totally made up for any shortcomings the restaurant had. Take that for what it's worth....

http://www.sweetwaterny.com/
105 N 6th, BKN, NY

photo stolen from 11211.info